This is a call for help –
After changing my course
I am completely lost –
Mayday
One engine already gone –
I'm begging for the second
to stay with me –
Mayday
I hear it rumbling already –
You're my last hope –
Please – Stay with me –
Mayday
One soul, zero pax –
Just waiting for the crash
and being covered in debris –
Mayday
Even if someone hears my call
right now –
It's too late to help me
Although I've pretended for years, I don't know what it takes to be a man. Nonetheless, they've treated me as one.
Guess I'm back. A lot has happened. Some things were good, some are even great. And some make me go insane. HRT shows progress, but not with my anxiety.
I still feel like have no community that I belong to. And learning new things is hard rn.
but i feel like getting back to coding, so that's good.
I fear the man in the mirror. I fear his ugliness. I fear that he follows me outside. I fear that he lets everyone know. I fear that he gets more noticeable. I fear that HRT won’t stop him. I fear that he’ll never leave me alone.
I finally found some queer peers not that far away. It helped me feeling less lonely because they all understand what i ponder on.
I hope that my mind gets some time to rest.
The last weeks have been rough. I am trying to find to myself, figuring out who i really want to be. A therapist told me that there is likely no definitive conclusion about who I am. And this leads me to trying shit out. Ngl it is somewhat freeing.
I am not and i cannot stress this enoughfeeling fergalicious rn
